Sacrifice
by the.summer.sky
Summary: Set during 1x13, "Things Fall Apart". Cara explains to Astrid from personal experience why staying away from her family is so important. Cara/Astrid quasi-friendship.


"I was just going to find you. Here, it's the warmest of the bunch." Cara offered Astrid the blanket with a kind smile.

"I need to call home," Astrid said, ignoring Cara's offer.

Cara could see the determination in the girl's eyes and knew this was going to be difficult. She put on her 'leader' voice and replied, "I'm sorry, Astrid, that can't happen."

Astrid started to get emotional. "You guys don't get it. I'm not like you. I can't talk to my dad telepathically, and right now he does not even know if I'm alive."

Astrid's small outburst reminded Cara of just how young Astrid really was. She was only a girl with no idea of what she was talking about. And as much as the young girl buried deep inside of Cara wanted to connect with Astrid, she couldn't let herself reveal anything but the strong leader she had to be now. Cara didn't have the luxury of letting herself really feel anymore.

"And that is the only thing that is keeping him safe," Cara told Astrid forcefully. She held the blanket out again. "You should get comfortable. You could be here a while."

Astrid angrily snatched the blanked from Cara's hands and pushed past her. Cara walked over to Stephen, who'd seen the end of the encounter.

"She's not gonna last down here. It's only a matter of time. Can't you pull some strings at Ultra?"

"No, I quit."

"You what?" Cara asked sharply. The stress she'd been feeling intensified. She became leader of the group and now everything was falling apart.

Stephen shook his head. "I had to. Putting Astrid in the crosshairs – Jedikiah went too far this time."

Cara fought to keep her feelings subdued. She couldn't let on that she was feeling even the slightest bit overwhelmed. "Any other bombshells?" She asked Stephen, sensing that he was holding something else back. "Wait, don't answer that. You can tell me later. Right now I have to deal with Astrid."

Stephen looked concerned. "Deal with Astrid? What does that mean?"

Cara let herself smile a little at Stephen's reaction. "I'm just going to talk to her. Don't look so worried. I need to get her prepared for the fact that she might be staying here longer than even we expected."

With a nod of dismissal to Stephen, Cara turned to find Astrid sitting in an armchair behind her. She approached her slowly.

"Hey," Cara said softly. She sat down on the couch next to the armchair.

"What do you want?" Astrid asked irritably. Her eyes were red and it was obvious she'd been crying.

Cara took a deep breath and let go of the 'leader' façade. It hadn't worked on Astrid before and it wasn't going to work now. Cara was going to have to be herself. She said, "First I want to apologise. I haven't been handling your situation like I should've been."

"No, you haven't." Astrid spoke with a fierce attitude.

It occurred to Cara that she had to be completely open if Astrid was going to listen to her. "I'm pretty new at this leader thing. I'm still working things out."

"Does this mean you're letting me call my dad?" Astrid's voice was so innocently hopeful that Cara dreaded denying her. But she had to.

"No," She replied gently. "I can't let you do that."

Astrid glared at Cara. "Then why are you talking to me?"

"Because you need to understand where I'm coming from."

Astrid interrupted, "No, Cara, you need to understand. My dad is up there worried sick about me and I can't even talk to him to tell him I'm okay. You don't know what that's like."

"I know exactly what it's like," Cara said tersely. Astrid leaned back in surprise and confusion. Cara sighed and began to tell her story. She hated opening herself up to people but Astrid needed to know why Cara was making her stay. "When I was seventeen I…got myself into a bad situation. My powers came and I protected myself, but I killed someone."

Astrid sucked in a breath in shock. "Oh my god."

Cara looked down at her hands in her lap. Talking about her past wasn't easy – especially with someone she barely knew. "I tried to tell them it was self-defense but it was the mayor's son. There was no way they were going to believe me. I knew that. I was terrified, so I teleported myself out of there before they could lock me up and I went home." Cara paused to try and maintain her composure.

"What happened?" Astrid asked quietly. Cara looked up from her lap and saw Astrid watching her curiously.

"My dad turned me away. He told me to leave and never come back if I wanted any chance at a life."

Astrid looked appalled, like she couldn't comprehend the situation. "That's horrible."

Cara shook her head, looking at the coffee table in front of her and only seeing flashes of her past. "That wasn't even the worst of it. The worst part was leaving my little sister behind. Our mother died when she was three. Dad loved us but he worked all the time. I was all she had. Walking away from her was one of the hardest things I've ever done."

Realisation flashed across Astrid's face. "But you did it to protect her."

Cara sat in a ruminative silence for several moments. "As much as I feel betrayed by my father, he sent me away to protect himself and my sister – maybe even me. I hate it, but I can understand it. I did the same thing for my sister."

"Have you ever looked for her? Checked to see if she was okay?"

"No," Cara responded instantly. "And I never will. If I find out where she is then I'll want to see her and I don't think I'll be able to stop myself. I can't put her in danger like that. Knowing me could get her killed."

Astrid nodded, a sad smile on her lips. Tears welled up in her eyes. "So that's why I can't speak to my dad."

Cara placed a comforting hand on Astrid's tightly clasped ones. "The less your parents know, the safer they are. Ultra probably has eyes on them at all times in case you try to contact them. You have to sacrifice your happiness and theirs so that all of you can be safe."

Astrid nodded again and was quiet for a few moments. She smiled suddenly and looked up at Cara. "You may still be rough as a leader, but for what it's worth I think you'd be a pretty amazing sister."

Cara genuinely smiled at Astrid in return, grateful for the comment. If things were different she could see them being close. And for those few moments that they sat there together oblivious to the rest of the world, that was all they were. Two girls who had the potential to be great friends.

But things _weren't_ different, and all moments eventually have to end. Cara squeezed Astrid's hand and let go; with it letting go of everything she'd let herself feel for those short minutes. Now it was back to the real world – back to being a strong leader and making tough decisions. Just as she'd had to sacrifice her happiness for her family's safety, she now had to sacrifice her happiness and emotions to keep her people safe.

However, as Cara walked away from Astrid and their conversation she couldn't stop thoughts of her family from creeping into her head. It was a topic she'd avoided thinking about as much as she could for the past few years but now she couldn't stop.

When Cara was a younger, family had been the most important thing to her. She went deaf when she was a little girl and ever since then she'd had to rely on her parents. They couldn't afford the operations to fix her hearing but they'd sacrificed a lot to give her the best chance at a normal life. That hadn't worked out as they'd hoped, but Cara understood that they did what they thought was right.

And then her mother died. Cara was still young at the time but she quickly learned to take care of her baby sister in a way their father couldn't. Over the years Cara and her sister formed a bond that was unbreakable. Well, almost unbreakable. Separation had broken it easily.

Being the only deaf teenager at her school, Cara was very isolated. She had no close friends and subsequently grew very close to her father and sister. They were all she had. That made it hurt all the more when her father closed the door in her face and shut her out of their lives.

Yes, family had meant a great deal to Cara when she was young. But now it was a symbol of weakness and heartbreak. She still had trouble letting people in because of the ever-present fear that they would betray her or leave once they got to know her. John was the perfect example. He'd wormed his way into Cara's heart and taken a strong hold there only to rip out a part of her heart when he finally let her in on all the secrets he'd been keeping.

John wasn't the only one to blame, of course. But Cara couldn't think about her part in it right now. She couldn't keep reminding herself of all the ways she'd ever failed, because the group was depending on her. She was barely holding things together as it was. She didn't need to be dwelling on her failures.

As Cara approached the door to where she could sense John and Stephen were telepathically, she took a moment to clear her mind of all her irrelevant thoughts. She cleared her expression and resumed her 'leader' face. Once composed she briskly opened the door and walked in to face John and Stephen with a professional, businesslike air.

"Okay, Stephen." She folded her arms and stared Stephen down. "What's the other bombshell?"


End file.
